Wednesday Briefs #12 The Hollow: Soul Seekers

Copyright   JC Wallace  2014

 

Each week a group of authors participate weekly in Wednesday Briefs Flash Fiction. Each installment is 500-1000 words long and is posted to our blogs each week. After you read the latest in my story, click on the link at the end to visit the other flashers.

 

 

 

Freeze frames of self-imposed methods of death flashed before Levi’s eyes—a gunshot, slitting his wrists, electrocution, jumping from something high, overdose.

Pills.

“What would ever make you think I hate you?” Logan asked, his voice a bit shaky. “Just take some deep breaths and calm down. It’s not that bad.” 

It was that bad, worse than an atomic bomb, a tsunami, a hurricane—any moment he would be swept away into oblivion or disintegrate into a pile of dust.

Levi released Logan and jumped up from the chair. The black bag his sole focus. Within it, salvation from a world of suffering. Sweet release.

Pulling out a bottle of meds, Levi worked at the child safety cap. He had to open it. Swallowing all of them was the only thing that could save him.

Logan plucked the bottle from his hand. “I’ll open it.”

Levi reached out for the lorazepam prescribed to halt his panic attacks, intent on swallowing every last pill. “Just give it to me,” he cried, trying to grab at the bottle, but he crumpled onto the bed in pain.

Deep inside a scream reverberated. I can’t take this anymore!

Logan held his palm out with two tiny pills.

More. He needed so many more.

“Levi, take these now,” Logan commanded.

Levi grabbed the quick acting pills and they dissolved under his tongue. “I need more,” he cried frantically. “Give me the rest of them, please, Logan. Please!”

Logan frowned looking at the dosage again. “It says to take two.”

“I need more,” he cried.

Logan paled a bit then steeled his expression and said, “No.” He pushed the bottle into his front pocket. He stared down at Levi who continued to sob and seemed unsure what to do. “I’m going to get you some clean clothes.”

Levi wrapped his arms around his head. The intense anguish, distress, sorrow were slowly fading and morphing, replaced with grief, mild aching, and melancholy.

Logan returned to the bed with fresh clothes. Levi’s sobs faded into small gasps. His eyes burned, ribs ached, the bone crushing pressure now a small headache. Most importantly the imprudent plot to end his life was gone, the hollow once again empty.

Logan knelt on one knee before Levi. “Feeling better?” His tone was tenuous.

No, I was going to hurt myself and I don’t even know why. But he couldn’t tell him that. He nodded. Logan’s expression was neutral, but the fear was evident in his eyes, as if unsure of what Levi would do next. Levi felt the same way. His life had taken a U-turn, from out of control to fucking crazy.

“Levi, what just happened?” Logan asked, never afraid to ask the hard questions of Levi.

Too bad Levi didn’t have any answers. First, the crushing pain at school followed by the euphoria that had burned so hot that he’d propelled himself into a lake, and now, again that terrible pressure in his head and then a gut-wrenching despair worthy of ending his own life. What if Logan hadn’t been there?

What if…

Logan continued. “I mean, Levi, I can’t remember ever seeing you cry...well, except when you hurt yourself or when Nana died, but other than that...” He shrugged his shoulders seemingly at a loss.

What could he tell Logan? The craziness of the entire day—Logan deserved the truth, honorable Logan, who’d never let Levi down. How could Levi tell Logan that his mind was crashing and would soon take Levi with it? Would he become a drooling shell, slumped over in a chair, unable to move, communicate, trapped in a hell designed just for him or would he just explode like a dying star and fill the the air with his molecules?  Doubts were beginning to surface that stopping his medications were the cause. Actually, there had been periods of time when he had gone without certain medications. Dr. Ross had called them “medication holidays.” It had been only a few times in the last ten years and he couldn’t remember why. Even during those times, which may have been as long as two weeks, nothing this had happened like this. Ever.

Levi licked at his dry lips and told a bold-faced lie. “A headache. I think they said something about a concussion at the hospital. I think it was the standing.” Yeah, that sounded good. “I thought my head was going to explode.” Right, because he only cried from pain. So easy to lie when you were in the middle of a break with reality.

Logan tilted his head. Blank and expressionless, Levi couldn’t tell if Logan had bought his lie as well as Levi himself had. Logan’s eyes softened but not before an incredulous look flashed at Levi. “You should talk to Mom. Maybe see your therapist again. I know going away to school and having to come home was hard on you. And you know you can talk to me too.” The earnest look on Logan’s was mixed with an underlying sadness. Levi couldn’t blame him for worrying. Levi was worried himself.

“I know. Maybe, if things don’t get better soon...” He didn’t want to promise Logan anything he wasn’t going to do.

Logan spared him from having to go on. “Do you want me to help you get changed?”

Levi wrinkled up his nose. “Fuck no! My own brother? Get out!” He forced a smile, hoping to bring levity to the anything-but-funny situation.

“I thought the same thing after I said it,” Logan chuckled slightly, exaggerating a shudder.

Logan’s smile quickly faded and Levi could tell he wanted to say something more. Questions were forming, doubts layering.

“I really meant it when I said I was sorry for—you know everything,” Levi said.

“That’s what big brothers are for.”

Levi highly doubted they were made to put up with all his of nonsense.

“Get some sleep, Crash. I’m right in the next room if you need anything.”

Logan really meant it, but Levi also knew he wouldn’t be bothering Logan, no matter what.

Logan started for the door then swung around. “Oh, I forgot, Gia called for you. She was freaked out by your exit from class. She said that she called your cell about a hundred times and it went straight to voice mail. You should call her back or at least text her.”

Levi sighed heavily. “Unfortunately, my phone sleeps with the fishes.”

Logan laughed out loud. “You dropped your phone in the lake, too?”

More like chucked it. “Unfortunately.”

“That really sucks,” Logan said apparently trying to sound less than amused.

“Yeah, since that was my second phone since November. Dad is going to kill me especially after what happened to my last phone. I will be phoneless for the foreseeable future.”

Logan rubbed at his stubbled jaw. “So, what’s worse? Dropping your phone in the lake or dropping it in the driveway where Dad runs it over?”

Levi already knew the answer to that one.

“The Dad one most definitely,” Logan answered for Levi, his eyes reflecting the light from the ceiling.

“Goodnight Crash,” Logan said again, giving a wave as he shut his door.

Levi smiled but it was short lived. He was going to miss Logan the most when he lost his sanity. Luckily, he’d avoided questions about what exactly had happened at the lake. Unfortunately, that avoidance had been his near suicide attempt.

 

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