Wednesday Brief #18 and 19 The Hollow: Soul Seekers

Copyright 2014 JC Wallace

Each week a group of authors participate weekly in Wednesday Briefs Flash Fiction. Each installment is 500-1000 words long and is posted to our blogs each week. After you read the latest in my story, click on the link at the end to visit the other flashers.

I didn't get to post last week so you are getting two for the price of one! Enjoy!

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“Wow, you clean up nice,” Noah joked.

Levi stopped in front of Noah then reached, lightly skimming a palm against the fair skin of Noah’s cheek. For a moment, Noah appeared confused, then playfully curled up one side of his lips. Deep inside, an unknown force fueled Levi’s desire. Each movement, each breath from Noah drove him crazy with wanton desire. Unable to control the voracious need, Levi hooked a finger on the waistband of Noah’s jeans and drew the man against his body. Lacing his fingers around Noah’s neck, Levi brought the taller man’s lips down onto his. Noah’s arms wrapped around Levi’s waist and he returned his kiss in earnest. Tongues dueled and teeth gnashed. Levi pushed his growing erection against Noah’s groin and a groan escape between their lips. Shit, he usually had to work hard to get an erection, to even come. Noah returned the pressure and Levi thought he’d cream his pants right there. Noah’s hard bulge pressed against Levi’s hip. Suddenly, Levi needed more even if somewhere deep down it all seemed wrong.

Noah’s hands worked their way under Levi’s shirt, running his nails across Levi’s back. His body shuddered. A fever rose within Levi that prickled across his skin. Sensations he’d never experienced before battled to be at the forefront—lust, want, need, desire. He had to have Noah, possess him totally. The man was his and could only be his.

Levi pushed his body harder against Noah, crushing him against the wall, the pressure undeniably exquisite. Frantically, Levi kissed Noah, harder faster, holding the back of Noah’s head with balled up fists entangled in Noah’s hair. When Noah tried to pull away, Levi held him with more force, using a hand to rake Noah’s shirt up and scratching  the warm skin of his back. Every muscle in Levi’s body tightened, straining to get more contact. Rutting against Noah, Levi felt the pressure growing in his balls. Within Levi’s gut, a frenzy burst forth and with it a crazed need to hurt Noah, cause him pain. It clenched at Levi’s jaw and curled his fingers, digging his nails hard into Noah’s skin. Levi’s teeth caught hold of Noah’s lip and it took all of his might to keep from biting clean through it.

Noah yanked his head back, his eyebrows furrowing. “Did you just bite me?”

Levi ignored his question and went back for Noah’s mouth, digging in his short nails harder.

Noah avoided his lips. “Levi…slow down,” he said, blocking Levi’s advances.

But Levi kept going at Noah with a ferocity he couldn’t control. He was chasing his orgasm while a screaming need to cause Noah harm, inflict pain, rode next to the pleasure. The rage he felt overtook any wrongness of hurting Noah away.

“Levi!” Noah yelled. “What the hell are you doing?”

Levi clenched his teeth tight and pummeled his fists into the hardness of Noah’s chest. Noah caught hold of Levi’s wrists and held him back. The shock of Levi’s actions covered Noah’s face. Levi struggled against his grip but Noah held tight.

“What...Are you okay?” Noah asked his tone doubtful, his disbelief shadowing his eyes.

No, he wasn’t okay. He wanted to kill Noah.

Levi ripped his wrists from Noah’s grip and took several steps back. The urge to hurt Noah raged like a thunderstorm inside of Levi. If Noah didn’t want Levi then no one would have the man. Levi’s heart raced, breaths rapid, fists clenched at his sides, the muscles in his legs ready to pounce on Noah as if he were Levi’s prey. The all-consuming rage ate up Levi’s humanity like an underfed lion.

Noah took a step forward his hand held out to Levi. That touch, the feeling of Noah’s skin on his, would propel Levi across a line from which he might never return. Levi drew back stopping Noah in his tracks. Noah straightened his back and his eyes narrowed. The action renewed Levi’s ire. A war of wills raged in his mind, a single voice winning out.

 Run. Run!

Levi bolted past Noah and ascended the stairs. Nothing stopped his escape. Not Noah yelling his name, not the crowd of bodies he pushed aside with a vengeance, not the burning in his ribs. Flinging the front door wide open, Levi ran into the cold afternoon without thought to where he was going. Fleeing the college was becoming an unsettling habit. At least last time, he’d had his car for the getaway.

The fury within him was dying away, the wrath of the monstrous entity releasing its fiery grip on Levi. He sprinted until he reached the Quick Stop two blocks from the college. The heat that had brought the flush of fever to his skin diminished. The chill of the unseasonably cold spring air raised the hair on his arms. His sweater gone, his jacket back at the college, Levi was freezing. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his new phone and chose a name from his contacts list.

“Logan, please answer,” he pleaded.

Levi wrapped an arm tight around himself trying to shield the coldness. After the fourth ring, he almost gave up hope then…

“Hey, Levi.”

A sigh of relief escaped his throat. “Logan, can you come and get me? I need a ride.”

“I thought you were with Gia? Where are you?”

“I’m at the Quick Stop on Main Street. Gia’s at the college. It’s a long story. Can you come and get me? Please?” His teeth chattered.

“Are you okay, Levi? You sound funny.”

“Yeah, I’m good,” he lied.

“I’ll be there in about twenty,” Logan assured him.

“Logan, wait. Please don’t say anything to Mom and Dad.” If he did, Levi was certain he’d face an interrogation when he arrived at home.

There was a short pause. “Okay.”

“Thanks,” Levi said, and hung up already trying to piece together a convincing explanation for when Logan showed up.

Levi texted Gia letting her know he’d left and that Logan had picked him up. Of course, she wanted to know “what the hell happened” but Levi said he’d explain later. God forbid if Noah told Gia about how unhinged he’d become. Probably would blab it to everyone. As if Levi wasn’t enough of an outsider already.

A cup of hot chocolate sounded good right about then so Levi entered the semi-warmth of the store. Fixing a cup and paying for it, he then wandered through the aisles pretending to look for something. Really, he was stalling to stay out of the cold until Logan arrived. Turning the corner at the end of an aisle, Levi almost plowed over an older woman. She dropped a box and a can she’d been carrying.

“I’m so sorry. My fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going,” Levi apologized, leaning down to get the box.

The tall, thin, gray-haired woman leaned down to retrieve the can as it rolled across the floor. “That’s quite alright dear.”

As the woman stood, terror washed across her face, filling her grayish eyes. Her hand grasped at the cross on her chest and she shuffled back a few steps. A gasping sound emerged from her throat.

“Are you okay? Do need help?” Levi asked. Please don’t die right here in front of me!

Leering back at Levi the woman muttered over or over,  “Mio Dio.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Is something wrong?” Her actions were freaking Levi out.

The woman pointed a finger at Levi. “Senz’anima. Stay away from me.”

“Excuse me,” Levi said, annoyed with the woman’s odd behavior.

The next words uttered from the woman sent an arctic blast through Levi and froze him where he stood. “I see you. You’re hollow, empty, unfeeling. Not even human,” the woman half-hissed, half-spat out.

The cup slid from Levi’s hand and hit the floor, the light chocolate-colored liquid covered the floor between them.

“What did you say?” The whispered words barely escaped from Levi’s throat.

“Senz’anima,” the woman hissed again.

“I…I’m s-sorry...” Levi backed away as the woman glowered at him. Keeping his head down, he quickly exited the store. Outside the air had grown colder but Levi was already numb from the woman’s prognostic ranting. Levi rushed forward when he spotted Logan standing near his truck.

When Logan finally spotted him, he smiled but that dropped off quickly. “Where’s your jacket?”

Levi looked over his shoulder toward the store then to the truck. “Can we just get out of here?” Levi jumped into the warm cab of the truck and slammed the door, locking it behind him. Logan climbed into the truck and reached behind the seat, pulling out a flannel shirt and handed it to Levi.

“Thanks,” Levi mumbled and pulled it on. It smelled like Logan and earthiness and helped Levi to calm down.

Logan started up the rumbling truck then turned to Levi. “Are you gonna tell me what happened? Like why you’re here,”—Logan said gesturing toward the store—“without your coat?” His voice had taken on that big brother tone.

“I’d rather not,” Levi said with a heavy sign.

Logan turned his head and stared out over the front of the truck. Levi rubbed at his temples with his fingertips. There was too much to tell, so much that made no sense, that any attempt to put it into words would sound like the ramblings of a soon to be madman.

Logan put the truck into drive and pulled out of the parking lot. Within the cab of the truck, the silence crept into every crack and crevice. Levi tried to focus on the sound of his breath, the hum of the oversized truck tires, anything to avoid the cascade of confusion and mystery of the past four days.

Logan’s voice startled Levi. “You know you can tell me anything, don’t you, Levi? I mean, haven’t I always let you know that?” Logan’s gaze stayed steadfastly on the road ahead. The tension showed around his eyes, his mouth and in his jaw. “But you keep me at arm’s length just like you do everyone else.”

Hearing the straining anguish in his voice, Levi winced. He wanted nothing more to let Logan and the rest of the world in, but he had no idea how. Nothing connected within his hollow body. The woman’s words still haunted Levi, wrapping invisible fingers around him and holding tight.

“I don’t mean to do it. Really. It’s just the way I am…all I seem to be able to be.” He was like the color white, absorbing all of the colors of the rainbow and reflecting none back.

“Yeah, I know,” Logan said in exasperation. “But lately you’re acting…”

“Stranger than usual?”

Logan actually let a slight ironic laugh escape. “That too, but I was going to say more distant. You used to tell me everything you did, everything you wanted, dragged me into the middle of your life. I mean it was nothing deep or anything, but you included me. At times, I had to take “Levi breaks” to recharge. And please, don’t take this the wrong way, but I used to wish for you to tone it down the drama a notch.” He shook his head slightly. “Now I wish you’d say anything at all to me.”

Levi could use a “Levi break”, too. “I’m sorry.” It was all he could think to say.

“I think it really got worse after you came back from college. It wasn’t a huge difference, but I noticed.” He glanced at Levi as if he needed to know that Levi understood, that Levi agreed. And yes, he did agree.

Going away to college had seemed such a simple step in the progression from teenager to adult. Applications were completed, the SAT taken, letters of recommendation acquired, and then acceptance letters and partial scholarships awarded, dorm room paid for and it had all become a large boulder rolling down a hill, unstoppable, sweeping Levi along with it. His parent’s expectations, in fact, the expectations of teachers, relatives, friends—even societal value on higher education—all pushed Levi into attending college. So when he went and within three short months—months that had seemed to stretch into years—it had all crumbled. Eventually, debilitating panic attacks kept him from classes, affected his ability to drive the hour home on weekends. Fear and anxiety filled most of his hours, spiraling out of control until he’d crashed head first into the ground. It had changed him. The entirety of the trauma, the failure, had drawn him further into himself than he’d ever been before.

“What do you want from me? I can’t just change who I am…what I’ve become.” Or what I’m in the middle of becoming.

Logan was silent, almost statue-like, and then spoke. “Can’t you?”

The question was a slap with words.

 

Chapter 10

Levi forced himself to ignore the panic rising within from Logan’s comment. That was the same attitude most people had unable to understand the relentless, raw fear, the aching yearning to bond on any level with another human, the longing to escape the loneliness of his existence. Dr. Ross had mentioned something about an attachment disorder or something, stemming from a failure to form a significant bond with his primary caregivers as a baby. Levi hadn’t been able to fathom how experiences from infancy could reach out and affect his life years later. Now anything seemed possible.

Despite the warmth of the truck, a cold chill crept into Levi. When he’d failed to answer, Logan became silent again, his eyes unwavering from the road. The silence stuck the entire way home, and Levi could feel a wall building between them brick by brick.

In their driveway, Levi jumped from the truck as it was still rolling to a stop. He entered through the mudroom to avoid questions about his lack of a jacket. Passing through the kitchen, his mother looked up from her food prep.

“Did you have a good time, Levi? How do you feel?”

“Had a great time. Feel good. Have homework to do,” he said, as he breezed past his mother to exit the kitchen.

“Levi.”

The deep tone of the voice stopped his. When he turned, Logan’s body filled the doorway to the mudroom. His keys dangled from his fingers at his side. A stern look of indignation hit Levi hard.

“Logan? I thought you were in your room?” A puzzled look crossed their mother’s face.

Logan’s gaze burned into Levi who fidgeted then crossed his arms. Was Logan going to turn him in, rat him out? Their mother looked between the two of them, regarding each other in silence.

A moment longer and his mother started to speak but Logan cut her off. “I was in my room, but I had to run out for a minute. Got some work to do so I’m heading up there now,” he said, stuffing his keys into his pocket.

“Okay,” their mother said tentatively, with a baffled expression. “Dinner’s at six.”

“Okay,” Logan muttered then passed Levi, leaving the kitchen.

“He’s acting strange,” his mother said, narrowing her eyes with an unspoken awareness that Levi knew what was up.

“He’s just strange anyway,” Levi said, deflecting his mother’s suspicions and backed out of the room.

Levi raced up the stairs in time to catch Logan opening the door to his room.

“Logan.”

Logan turned slightly, his hand on the doorknob of the partially opened door. He still wore the same expression of indignation.

“Thanks for not saying anything to Mom.” Levi smiled slightly but Logan didn’t reciprocate.

“Yeah, whatever,” he mumbled and turned from Levi and closed himself into his room.

That single act of turning away held a great significance for Levi. Logan was telling Levi without words that he’d had enough. Logan was leaving Levi’s game, no longer interested in playing along. Levi had never imagined a greater feeling of loneliness was possible but there it was. A closed door and the only person he’d ever felt the slightest connection to at all was hiding behind it.

Hiding from me.

Levi rested his palm against the cool wood. An aching sadness, a faint need to cry, resonated in his chest, but he couldn’t grasp it. He willed it forward, a deep need to react as any human being would in this situation. Squeezing his eyes tight, he was determined to shed tears. But nothing—just like the echo of nothingness that was his existence.

 

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