Wednesday Briefs #10 The Hollow: Soul Seekers

Copyright JC Wallace 2014
Each week a group of authors participate weekly in Wednesday Briefs Flash Fiction. Each installment is 500-1000 words long and is posted to our blogs each week. After you read the latest in my story, click on the link at the end to visit the other flashers.

 

The entire agony of the trip to the hospital—walking to the shore, the boat ride, lying in the back seat of Noah’s SUV, bumps and twists and turns—blurred in Levi’s mind as he laid on the gurney in the ER.  The flimsy pale blue curtain around his bed did little to drown out the noises of the hospital. X-rays had been taken, blood had been drawn, parents had been called and pain medication had been administered. The pills took the edge off the pain and clouded his mind. If only he could sleep before his parents arrived. If only I could crawl into a hole…

“Hey, Pretty Boy.”

“Hmmm?” Levi replied, without opening his eyes. The floating sensation was actually kind of nice.

 “How’s it going?” Noah whispered as if it were a requirement.

“Oh, just peachy. Your original diagnosis was correct, Dr. Macy,” he teased and couldn’t help the giggle that escaped. “One broken rib.” He waved one digit in the air in Noah’s direction.

Oh, how he hoped they sent him home with more of this pain stuff. What had he felt earlier in the woods? Euphoria? Yeah, this was a lot like that.

Noah circled around the gurney. His hat was off again. More locks of hair had escaped their tie and floated wildly around hisface. The pools of his emerald irises were deep and inviting. Such long eyelashes. Soft, rounded lips. When Noah gently rested his hand on Levi’s forearm, goose bumps sprung to life and unfamiliar warmth spread from beneath Levi’s navel, twisted and turned, and traveled south. Levi gazed up at Noah with a wide smile.

Noah cocked his head to one side, raised an eyebrow, and a lopsided smile curled his lips. “Feeling pretty good right now?”

Levi nodded closing his eyes. He couldn’t lie. He felt awesome. “They should put this stuff in the water.”

A loud burst of laughter filled the room. Opening his eyes, Levi lost himself in the smiling man before him. He was beautiful.

 

* * * *

Unfortunately, all good things must end and within two hours, Levi was in his own bed. A nagging ache in his side and the same old anxiety replaced the medication-induced euphoria. No such luck with being sent home with the little magic pills, no chance of extending the artificial high. And halted just as swiftly as it had surfaced, that new sensation, all warm and soft, filled with want and aching need. Lust.

Only the skeletons of a former glorious rapture remained. A growing black hollow expanded across Levi’s chest and only added to the enormous sense of loss weighing heavily on his entire body. Fear of never feeling any emotion so real again fueled his anxiety. It felt a lot like mourning.

Closing his eyes Levi tried to take slow deep breaths, but the bandage wrapped tight around his ribcage restricted the expansion. Okay, so scratch deep breathing from his list of anxiety fighting tools. Muscle relaxation, number two on the list. Yet, the thoughts whirling about his head kept focusing on those moments on the gurney, the feelings, and Noah. No matter how far from this day he traveled in time, Levi doubted he could ever forget the emotions he’d felt gazing up at Noah. Next time he gazed upon Noah’s face, Levi knew he would feel nothing.

A wave of panic spilled over the top of the dam.

Levi’s attention shifted to the black zippered pouch still on his nightstand. One pill could strengthen the dam, make it taller and stronger. Why suffer with another panic attack when it was preventable? Except for his brief time he’d spent at college in Plattsburgh, his meds had faithfully squashed the panic for years. A low level of perpetual anxiety remained, but it hadn’t crippled his life as the panic had. So why continue to abandon a tried and true method?

Because he’d felt something earlier.

Not the fake euphoria from the pills at the hospital. That was a lie. What he’d felt in those brief moments on the run in the woods was genuine emotion. Was his mind finally waking up from its long, anti-depressant induced slumber? God, how long had he been on meds? Ten years?  A short week of abstinence apparently wasn’t long enough to make a significant difference. Assuming that the feeling part of his brain would flip on like a switch when he’d quit the meds had been wrong. But something was happening, changing and that brought him a single ray of hope.

It had to be enough to sustain him as he waited for his emotions to emerge from their sleep. He needed to stay positive.

God, I need to take a piss!

Levi’s bathroom was only ten feet from his bed but might as well have been a million miles away. The relentless, searing hot poker thrusting into his right side made movement not only scary but near impossible.

Voices in the hallway caught his attention. His mother was speaking right outside of Levi’s door. During the car ride home from the hospital, Levi had endured his mother’s lamenting of his accident. Why hadn’t he been in school? Whatever had possessed him to go to the lake alone? What had gotten into him since he’d left college in Plattsburgh? All questions a frightened, caring mother had the right to ask. Questions Levi had miserably failed to answer.

Levi willed his mother to go away, too tired to face another interrogation. The door opened slowly and Levi clamped his eyes shut. Fake sleeping always worked. His mother had no problem waking her children but get the sniffles, skin your knee or anything worse, and she’d let you sleep for a week if that’s what it took to heal you.

“Levi?”

Soft footsteps on the rug, rustling of fabric, a gentle hand on Levi’s forehead then retreat.

Out in the hall his mother spoke again. “He’s sleeping.”

“What did he say happened?” The booming voice rattled across Levi’s nerves even from out in the hall.

Ugh, his father.

Luckily, he had been out on a job with Logan when the hospital had called them. Levi held his breath as they spoke.

“He said he slipped off a large rock and fell into the water,” his mother whispered loudly.

“And what the hell was he doing at the lake in the first place?” Levi was convinced his father’s voice could crack concrete if he became angry enough.

“He said he needed a break.”

“A break?” his father snorted. “That boy just needs to buckle down and focus on school. This nonsense has been going on for far too long.”

The words sank Levi’s heart. His father had never understood his mental illness.

“Art, you know he has issues and they aren’t going to just go away just by trying harder,” his mother said in Levi’s defense. “I think he needs to see Dr. Ross again.”

His therapist?

His father snorted. “He saw that woman for over five years and a lot of good that has done.”

“I’m worried, especially after today.” There was a short pause. “Art, what if this wasn’t an accident?”

Huh?

“What do you mean?” his father growled.

Levi lifted his head to hear better. God, his bladder was about to explode. Wouldn’t wetting the bed just add to his freakiness? 

“When I called Logan to tell him about Levi earlier, he said not to give him a hard time about this. When I asked him why, he told me that Levi’s been having a hard time lately with the anxiety. He said Levi told him that he’d stopped taking his meds over a week ago.”

Levi gasped. Logan told their mother! How could he have betrayed him and to their mother of all people?

“And?” his father asked after an extended silence.

“You don’t think that Levi tried to intentionally hurt himself do you?”

Holy shit! Did she really believe that Levi had tried to…commit suicide? Oh, Logan was so dead.

 “That’s nonsense,” his father retorted, apparently having none of that.

For once, he was the one on Levi’s side. Levi closed his eyes now trying to block out their voices. Surely, this would blow over after Levi assured his mother it had been an accident, even if it was an intentional accident.  However, before any of that happened he might be in jail since he was going to murder Logan.

Another voice joined his parents in the hallway. “Mom, don’t say stuff like that,” Logan said, his annoyance apparent.

Speak of the devil.

 “I’m going to eat dinner,” his father grumbled and Levi heard him descend the stairs.

“Logan you said it yourself he stopped—”

“Mom, Levi didn’t do this to himself. I know he didn’t so cut him some slack. You and Dad are always giving him such a hard time.”

Any anger for Logan harbored by Levi faded fast.

“We’re no harder on him than we are on you,” she said defending herself and her husband. “In fact, we’ve cut Levi a lot more slack than we ever did for you. It’s just…I’m…” her voice wavered slightly.

Oh great. Was his mom crying?

 “Listen, Levi is going to be fine. Don’t worry.” The calm, softness in his tone confirmed to Levi that his mother was indeed crying. Well, didn’t that just make him feel like a selfish asshole.

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